Sole-searching, Soul-searching

a view from above of bare feet with teal nail polish standing on a ground amidst oak leaves. in front of the feet are small geraniums.

Dear friends,

Thanks for accompanying me on this journey. I was delighted to hear from a few of you about your experiences of expectancy. I also appreciated those who asked me more about my experience, even though my answer was, "Mostly, I don't know." One insight I have gained over the last week is that what I am birthing is not just one, but a litter, multiple beings. Because of that, I believe the labor will be long. Having that awareness, I am able to settle into it more, feeling the expansions, contractions, and bits of rest in the midst of them. 

The day I write this, though, my mind is scattered, turned to the other end of embodied life. This morning Sharan, a beloved member of my church community (and that of some of you, too), died. Her spirit passing out of her body will take some time to...I'm not sure what the right words are. Her physical absence will be, already is, palpable. 

As I've been reading Lyanda Lynn Haupt's Rooted, I have been making a point of touching my body, usually my feet, to the earth every day. In this sole-searching I find the soul of Mother Earth, feeling connected to her physical form and mine, her spirit and mine, feeling connection to All. 

A few days ago I read these words in the book: 

Carl Sagan is famous for crooning, over and over, that we are star stuff. He has been mocked for his ponderous intonation, but he was entirely correct. Dr. Ashley King, planetary scientist and startdust expert (an enviable job description), states, "It is totally 100 percent true: nearly all the elements in the human body were made in a star and many have come through several supernovas." Oxygen + carbon + hydrogen + nitrogen + calcium + phosphorous + potassium + sulphur + sodium + chlorine + magnesium = star-human. The stuff of the cosmos is woven into our bones branches and wanders in our blood rivers.

"The individual is the meeting place of the four elements," writes John O'Donohue of the ancient Celtic perspective. For humans this is a hallowed opportunity: "We have come up out of the depths of the earth. Consider the millions of continents of clay that will never have the opportunity to leave the underworld. This clay will never find a form to ascend and express itself." Yet we have this privilege, and with it a sacred obligation to live with meaning. The word obligation sounds burdensome but is rooted beautifully in the Early French ligament - that which binds us together, like a braid of blessing herbs, like a bundle of logs for a warming communal cookfire... We stand in a spiral -rather than a strictly linear- continuity with our ancestors and the ancient cosmos. We still see the light of the stars that died long ago and that now form our living bodies; so, too, do our actions reach into the future of all life and death. 

Our star-human friend wove herself into beautiful, tight braids of interconnection with so many, warming them with her love. Now her physical form returns to Mama Earth. Her spirit, unemcumbered by embodiment, joins the spiral continuity of those who went before her. Her memories, lessons, actions, life ripple through those who knew her. They will continue to ripple through generations that eventually won't know her name. Those who come later will still see the light that shone from her, even if they don't know the origin. We are made of stardust, starlight, reaching forward and backward through time.

Sole-searching. Soul-searching.

Interbeing through time and space is our truth.

May we recognize it and be care-filled in how we tend to ourselves and one another in this conscious embodied form. 

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I have been tending to some of the ways I live into my star-humanity by creating opportunties for communal care and learning. I've added two in-person events since last week, both at The Bungalow in June. You can read about them and my other offerings on this page. If these speak to you, I'd love to see you in person or on Zoom. If you know of others who would find value in my programs, please share this with them.  

I also want to note that it was a year ago today that I began my 2nd edition Cards for Remembering Kickstarter campaign. Thanks to many of you who supported the project and/or who have bought decks since then. To commemorate that huge endeavor, today only Cards for Remembering 2nd edition decks are $8 off (code ANNIVERSARY). From May 25th-May30th, they'll be $4 off (code REMEMBER) 
~~~~

Friends, however you are experiencing our Interbeing, know that you are loved and held in care. If what I've shared speaks to you, I'd love to know.


From one star-human to another, 
Cory

Expectancy

Dear friends,

First, I am not pregnant. That would be quite a thing at age 50, though I know it's been done. Second...

It's hard to know what to tell you, so I'll write what I know. For my birthday back in March I treated myself to a massage. Before it even started as I was lying on the table, I received a message (from God/from Spirit/from some deeper Wisdom beyond me) about birthing. Lying there, I asked the question, "Am I birthing or being birthed?" The answer was, "Yes."  Okay... Not long after that, I was telling a friend what was going on in my life and she gave me the word "expectancy" to name what was happening. It felt and feels apt. 

What I am birthing and how I will emerge as a rebirthed self is still unclear. I think I am in the laboring process, the work that I have been doing out of the public eye feels effortful, the outcome(s) unclear. I wonder, how long will this labor be? This year as I've used my Cards for Remembering, the card that has popped up most as I use them nearly daily is "I am allowed not to know." There are times when the message is comforting and times when it is frustrating. 

This hard-to-name work is part of why I haven’t written anything publicly in a while. I've been waiting until I have more clarity, joyous news of what has emerged. Alas, the only clarity I have is that things are still unclear.  

Though I've told several friends and have written above that I think I'm laboring now, I wonder if I'm actually still in the gestational period, if the pains have been false labor, previews of what's to come, or if this is just a particularly long labor. I'm not sure. 

I suppose what I'm describing is the mystery of any birth. The particular flow of the birthing process that is only known as it is experienced. The wonder about the one coming into being. When children are born, even if we know words that will go on a birth certificate, we have no idea who or how that child will grow into the fullness of being. We can only hope that they do grow into the fullest expression of who they are, a unique being in our web of Interbeing. 

I smile as I write this. Though I am sometimes weary, dismayed, and impatient with the process, I also find myself curious, hopeful, and excited. I wonder if this is how a cocooned caterpillar feels. Or a flower as it prepares to bloom. Again I don't know. But I like to imagine. 

In the meantime, I go about life- cleaning, organizing, dancing, laughing at my cats, walking, writing, marveling at the colors, sights, and sounds of the world as we move through springtime, a time of birth and rebirth. 

In the meantime, I go about work- planning, scheduling, trying to use my skills and being in a way that serves. I have events and classes coming up that you can read about here. If they speak to you, I'd love to see you in person or on Zoom! I'm excited to be offering Seeking the Shalom of the City at DGCEC again in June. I'm excited to offer 4-week Compassionate Communication classes in the summer. I'm working on scheduling more in-person offerings. I am also excited about some new 1:1 offerings that I'll share more about in the future (though if you're curious, you can see a few of them here). 

Thanks for hanging with me in the midst of the mystery. If you are also in expectancy, or have good expectancy/birthing stories, I'd love to know them. Blessings to you however you are experiencing life these days. 


In the unknowing, 
Cory

Practicing Deep Community, Deep Hope, Deep Belief

On April 16, 2023 I had the honor of sharing my reflections with my church community. Below is a slightly extended and updated version of what I shared. Even with the small additions and updates, there is still so much more to say.

from the left a hand holds a lit match next to a short lit canlde in a flower-shaped candle holder. The background is all black.

Second Sunday of Easter, Sunday of Divine Mercy

Acts 2:42-47; 1 Peter 1:3-9; John 20: 19-31

Good morning. It is so good to be with you all today. What a week it’s been. I have talked to many people who feel heart-broken, despondent, angry, frustrated, helpless, hopeless. Perhaps you are feeling these, too. We bring this collective pain, as well as our individual struggles, into this second Sunday of Easter. Today’s readings show us practices of deep community, invite us to root in deep hope, and encourage us to practice deep belief in the Christ of transformation, the Christ that has been with us for all time and was embodied for us through Jesus’ resurrection.

In our first reading we hear how the community of disciples shared all things in common and allocated resources according to need. In the second reading from the first letter of Peter and the gospel reading from John, we are invited into hope, into the practice of believing. To be sure, believing and expanding our hope are practices. If you are like Thomas, if you are like me, hope and trust in renewal and resurrection fluctuate and waver, particularly in times like these, when there is so much to grieve.

If you ever struggle to believe in what you cannot see, I offer a simple, but not always easy invitation: broaden your perspective. Orient yourself in another direction. Practice patience. We only need look to our yards and gardens to see that Life is stronger than death. Resurrection is the way of Creation. This isn’t to say we should ignore the pain and harm in the world, but rather to remember that it is only a part of the picture. Then we can seek the places where in the midst of it all, people are taking steps toward care, healing, and restoration. Ask yourself the question: What do I want to see? And then keep your eyes open for it.

I want to see a world of vibrant community in which meeting needs is prioritized over unfettered accumulation. I could easily look around and not see this. AND there are places where people are operating differently from the dominant cultural norms.

Here at St. William we are strengthening our interconnected community through small groups and community retreats. When members of the community express a need, others step up, offering resources in ways that support individual and collective well-being within and beyond our church community. When our LGBTQ+ siblings are hurting, when our Black and Brown siblings are hurting, when our immigrant and refugee siblings are hurting, our leadership makes public statements affirming that they, you, we all are worthy of care; individual community members write letters, rally in Frankfort, collect resources, and otherwise tend to needs. When members of the St. William community saw that free trade did not mean fair trade, Just Creations was born, now 33 years ago. These are just a few of our works of community. These are acts of seeing the Risen Christ and recognizing that we play a role in its joyful fruition. This is believing in the value of salvific acts, even when we’re not sure of outcomes.

What is the world you want to see? I want to see a world in which all people feel safe enough and supported enough that they don’t turn to guns to protect, defend, or avenge. I want to see a world in which violence is not seen as a viable and desirable strategy to meet needs. We are 106 days into 2023 and in the United States there have been at least 161 mass shootings, in which at least 4 people were injured or killed with a gun. I suspect that since the 146th such shooting happened Monday at Old National Bank in downtown Louisville, many of us have been feeling the impact of this ongoing violence particularly strongly. Last night at Chickasaw Park, Louisville experienced another mass shooting- 2 dead, 4 injured- the 158th in the country, the second in a week for our city. This was one of 7 mass shootings that happened on April 15th in the United States, the largest being in the small town of Dadesville, AL, where 4 people were killed and 20 injured at a Sweet 16 party. These are only the mass shootings, not even counting the other injuries and deaths from gun violence.

I do not put my faith in guns or violence. Guns are not part of the story of the Risen Christ. I do not put my faith solely in gun legislation. Stricter gun laws are a stopgap, but they’re only one step toward creating greater collective safety. I put my faith in the multi-faceted and creative expression of people power.

Two and a half weeks ago, I was one of a few hundred people from around Louisville who participated in an anti-violence summit with the guiding question, “What if Louisville were the safest city in the world?” I believe in the people who were in that room- the violence interrupters, the mental health professionals, the restorative justice and conflict resolution teachers and practitioners, the elders who have shown us the efficacy of nonviolence.

I have seen the power of nonviolence on the streets of Louisville, at Standing Rock, in Palestine, in Colombia, in Guatemala, and other places in the world. Erica Chenoweth’s extensive and ongoing research on nonviolent and violent movements gives any doubters evidence to show that nonviolent social movements for change are twice as effective as violent movements and all such movements that have involved just 3.5% of the population have succeeded. 3.5% Echoing the second reading, there is cause for rejoicing here.

The world I wish to see is one in which we are so bound to one another that we don’t need laws to restrict guns because no one has used them to hurt others. I dream of a world in which we don’t have prisons or police forces because we choose other ways of addressing and repairing harm. Beyond St. William we also have models of these, places where small pockets of people are practicing care-filled community.* We can see them. When we struggle to see and believe, may we turn toward one another and lean into the love-filled creative potential of Christ in our midst.   

We shall be known by the company we keep
by the ones who circle round to tend these fires
We shall be known by the ones who sow and reap
the seeds of change alive from deep within the earth

It is time now
It is time now that we thrive
It is time we lead ourselves into the well
It is time now, and what a time to be alive
In this great turning we shall learn to lead in love
In this great turning we shall learn to lead in love

(Listen here to “We Shall Be Known,” by MaMuse, performed by thrive East Bay Choir)

*In future writing I will name some of the places and people that help me hold onto hope.