Leaning into Trust

I was having a conversation a few days ago with a dear friend about my upcoming class at the Passionist Earth and Spirit Center. The class is being offered on a donation basis, "in the spirit of the gift." In the class description we state what we judge to be the monetary value of the class and invite people to give that amount, or more, or less, in order to support the sustainability of the center and me. We are not requiring that anyone give us anything. I LOVE that we're offering the class this way. When we made the decision, I immediately started thinking of people I'd invite to come who may not have the means to pay for the class if it had a set price.

And I also noticed fear rising up.

"What if no one signs up? What if a bunch of people sign up and don't give anything? What if people sign up and give only a little, not enough to support the time and energy it takes to run the class?" I wish with all my heart that money were not a necessary tool. And yet I don't know how to live in the world as it currently is without it.

As my friend and I were discussing the class and I voiced my fears, she reminded me of something I know, but sometimes forget. She said something like, "When I lean into trust, I am always held, I am always OK. I've never not been taken care of when I lean in." She probably said it more eloquently than that. She is a wise friend.

When I allow her words sink in, from my head down to my heart and into my gut, I can feel their truth. I, too, have had this experience many times. When I have leaned most deeply into trusting what I call God or Spirit or the Universe, I have always been ok because I've been held. That doesn't mean things have been easy, but it does mean that in the midst of un-ease or dis-ease, I have experienced love from friends, family, acquaintances, strangers. I have felt in my bones that I was not alone. Knowing that I was not alone, I re-membered myself and my place in our web of interconnection.

I've allowed myself to trust when I've left jobs not knowing what would come next and a most beautiful and unexpected work has presented itself.

I've found myself surrounded in care when I've met disappointment, anger, grief.

I've leaned in and felt myself held it when I've gone to Palestine and co-workers have sent me off with dozens of love notes to read while away.

I've remembered my place in interconnection when I've been sick or worn out and friends have brought food and other delightful forms of love. I've tried to offer this kind of love, too.

I've remembered my own ability to tend well to the web when I've received beautiful notes telling me how my teaching has impacted someone. I received one such note just a few days ago. Laura (who gave me permission to share her words) wrote: I've been meaning to tell you that something unexpected happened as a result of me taking your course. It took some time for me to reflect on it and realize it... FEELINGS. The intentional effort to focus on feelings & sensations in the body was absolutely transformational for me! I cannot emphasize this enough! I realized that historically I have always been guided by my THOUGHTS and was not listening to my feelings! Now, I am constantly asking myself how a situation makes me FEEL. I have made some long overdue major changes in my life as a result. I cannot thank you enough.

And so, buoyed by my friend's reminder and buoyed by these words, I lean into trust again. I don't know what will happen with the class. But I do know that I want to lean way in and see what happens.

As I wrote about acceptance as a practice, so, too, is trust. Trust is not a solo endeavor, even when the person I'm learning to trust is myself. Sometimes I need other people to remind me that I'm trustworthy. I suspect you need that sometimes, too.

So as I close, I invite you to consider:

Where and with whom and how do you already practice trust?

Where and with whom and how would you like to test to see if you can lean further in?

Where and who and what need some care and repair before they're ready to be leaned on?

Where and with whom and how are you ready to take a leap of faith, try a trust fall, full-body lean in?

I'd love to know.