Tsunamis and Canyons and Grief! Oh My!
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Dear friends,
Here we are nearly in September. September! How does time go so quickly?
Since I last wrote, I have been processing some BIG EMOTIONS. I've noticed on social media and in coversations with friends that I'm not the only one whose emotions have been intense. Maybe you've been feeling them, too.
I'm not ready to go into details about what has brought this on for me, except to say that as I become clearer about what I want my life/my relationships/this city/state/country/world to look like, the gap between what is and what I long for sometimes feels so very wide.
The primary emotion that's been calling for my attention has been grief. It's been lingering around the edges of my emotional landscape for a long time, coming into my body sometimes in tsunami-like waves, other times like a slow-rising flood, and other times like a gentle, even sweet, rain. Recently, it's been building up like tsunamis and floods. With the pressure increasing, I've been waiting for my body to release it.
And then Friday happened. Friday actually started in a most lovely way: with a gathering of integrative health practitioners out at Foxhollow Farm. We learned about EMDR and tried some havening techniques. The discussion was rich. It also activated the movement of my grief. I came home and could feel the waves preparing to wash over/through/around me. Thankfully, I didn't have other meetings that day and could give the grief the space it was demanding. I cried A LOT. More than once I thought I was done and then minutes or hours later, I was crying again. So tired, I went to bed early, still heavy.
I woke up on Saturday morning around 5:00. While not fully rested, my body felt different. Lighter. Whereas on Friday I felt helpless and hopeless, only seeing a seemingly impassable chasm between reality and vision, on Saturday I felt hopeful. I was able to imagine steps I could take through the canyon and could identify people I might ask to accompany me, even if only for a short time.
A few days later I have begun to take the steps, inviting potential co-journeyers to join me on my path. Some have already said "yes." As I await answers from others and continue to consider who else I might approach, I remind myself, just as I remind people who take my classes, that if the folks I reach out to can't meet me the way I hope, I can still work/walk toward my vision. I don't have to walk alone. With nearly 8 billion people in the world, it's likely there are other people/possibilities available, if I streeeeeeeetch my imagination a little wider.
I don't think I am finished with the grief. I am OK with that because I know things and have ways to care for myself that I didn't used to have:
I am not alone. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I am not alone.
The feelings will pass. They pass more easily if I don't grip them tightly or try to stuff them down.
Letting them pass means allowing them to flow through me - in tears, in words spoken to a friend or myself (I can be my own friend!), in writing, in movement, in song, in sound. Letting them pass isn't always easy or fun, but the only way through is through.
If no other option seems available, I always have the option to take a conscious, deep breath. Or a few. A few deep breaths can do wonders. A few deep breaths may give space for another option to appear. Even if no new options appear, I've still taken a few deep breaths.
It's thanks to Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication, it's thanks to practicing the skills with some of you that I'm learning to more fully care for myself and to invite others to care for me when I need some help. Thank you for being in it with me.
What are you learning about caring for yourself and inviting in care?
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With this fresh experience (I love these tools!), I am so excited to have a number of upcoming Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication events, classes, and workshops. Starting a week from today I'm offering a 4-week introduction to Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication. I also have a 2-session workshop coming up- Can We Talk? Tools for Difficult (and Everyday!) Conversations.
For those who have already experience with Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication, I'll be hosting Compassionate Communication Practice Sessions. The first is this Thursday, September 1 from 12:00-1:30 ET. If you're planning to come, be sure to register!
For those interested in racial justice, on the afternoons of September 15th and 22nd, Althea Dryden and I are going to be co-facilitating Seeking the Shalom of the City at Roots 101 African American Museum. I am so excited to co-facilitate with Althea and to do so in that setting.
FInally, if you like creative practices and/or like to mark the change in season, I'll be hosting another Create Your Own Mantra Card workshop at Foxhollow Farm on September 21, the day before the Autumn Equinox.
If these interest you, please know that several of them have early bird discounts. I'd love to see you at one or a few events!
And if you are experiencing tsunamis or canyons or grief, please know that you are not alone.
With care and gratitude,
Cory