Accept or Resist?

Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.
- Eckhart Tolle


Dear friends,

This is the week my Cards for Remembering are supposed to arrive! I think...

Yesterday was supposed to be the day my decks were shipped out. In the morning I received a message from someone from Shuffled Ink, the manufacturing company, saying there would be a delay in shipping, but that they'd upgrade to a heavier cardstock to make up for the delay.

This sent my brain swirling: I don't have a sample for that cardstock I don't know how it feels what if I don't like it what about the celebration my neighbors have planned for saturday what if they're not here should we still have it when will they actually arrive do I need to rearrange my schedule wait I can't until I know when the cards are arriving what do I do??

If you read the above and had trouble sorting where one thought ended and another began, well, that's about how things were in my brain.

After taking a few deep breaths, I called the project manager I've been working with. I told him that the feel of the cards is really important to me and I didn't have a sample of the upgrade weight cardstock. I asked him to shuffle decks made with the cardstock I ordered and with the heavier cardstock (it being his business, he had both on hand). I listened while he shuffled. He then gave me his feedback, saying that shuffling a large deck in the thicker cardstock might feel unwieldy. Thinking of a dear friend with small hands, I chose to stick with the original cardstock. Doing so would for sure mean a delay. The project manager asked if that would be ok.

I had a choice: I could accept that the cards would be later I originally expected or get angry that the cards would arrive later than expected. Anger wouldn't change when the cards arrived, but it would likely change my day, maybe even the next few, and lead to a headache or other physical manifestations of stress.

Accepting what I couldn't change, I went on with my day, disappointed that I wouldn't have the decks as soon as I'd hoped, but relieved that I still knew what my cards would feel like and happy that they'll still be arriving soon.

As we were getting off the phone, the project manager said, "Talk to you soon!" I couldn't think of a reason why.

In the evening I received a call from the president of the company. He called to ask about a particular detail of the deck, wanting to make sure that they had it correct before printing the cards. I assured him it was. "We'll be in touch when it's time to ship," he concluded. I look forward to receiving that call!

Yesterday I practiced acceptance. Only a few days ago I was in resistance and resentment because I had said "yes" to a task I really didn't want to do. My resistance took the form of procrastination. Even when I finally started the task, I found myself working on it briefly, then taking long breaks, and reluctantly returning to it. As you can imagine, it took, or felt like it took, much longer than it had to.

The above may be "easy" examples of accepting and resisting. Life presents us with situations that are harder to accept. What does it mean to accept when we're confronted with racism, sexism, hate, or other forms of violence?

Eckhart Tolle, also quoted at this beginning of this email, has this to say, "“To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

I appreciate the distinction he offers between complaining and speaking out. When I am complaining, my shoulders are hunched and I feel helpless. When I speak out, my shoulders are wide, chest open; I am empowered because I am practicing self-acceptance, trusting my value and my voice, which is different from accepting the conditions I may be in or witnessing. From that empowered place, I can make choices with greater consciousness- accept, change, or leave the situation. Accepting, changing, or leaving circumstances may take many steps and lots of time. They may take energy, but so does resisting. Resisting what can't be changed wastes a lot of energy.

When Life invites you, what will you choose? Acceptance or resistance?

When you are working with what is, does working with it mean ongoing acceptance, changing, or leaving?