Orienting Toward Gratitude

Dear friends, 

For what are you grateful? 

Since October of 2016 I have posted daily gratitudes on Facebook. I started the practice on the night of a presidential debate. Disgusted by what I was watching, I turned the debate off before it was over. Feeling quite activated, I knew I had to do something to settle down before trying to go to sleep. 

I turned toward gratitude. Noticing what I was grateful for that day didn't change the things I was worried or upset about. It did remind me that those things were not the whole picture. The rough stuff is never the whole picture. 

Even on the hard days, especially on the hard days, I take a few moments to orient myself toward gratitude, reminding myself that in the middle of challenges, grief, anger, and heartbreak, there also exists beauty, love, connection, support, and even joy...if we are willing to look.  

Beauty exists even when ugliness rears up. 

Connections happen even in a culture of disconnection.

Joy bubbles up even in the midst of grief. 

Life persists even when death visits. 

Someone told me recently that I am like a flower that springs up in the middle of concrete. I am Life persisting. So are you. 

Isn't that a beautiful thing? 

I have experienced a lot of grief over the last several years that I am not contributing to our world's well-being as expansively as I would like to. Being seen as that hope-filled flower reminds me that small contributions are meaningful, too. They are worthy of gratitude. 

Orienting toward gratitude reminds me to give attention to the ordinary because the ordinary often contains so much extraordinary. "Folding sheets like folding hands/ To pray as only laundry can": For the last several years I have gotten to sing Carrie Newcomer's Holy as a Day Is Spent for my church's Thanksgiving service. It encapsulates the wonder and gratitude we can bring to every day. 

Turning toward gratitude is not about ignoring or diminishing the very real challenges, concerns, and pains we experience. It is an antidote, a practice to cultivate resilience, a way to remind ourselves of the full picture, the both/and, or maybe the and/and/and, of life, so that we have capacity to stay grounded in what might otherwise topple us. Gratitude plants us in the rich soil of presence to what is and has been. 

Today I am grateful for the bright red of the burning bush in front of my house, Patty Petunia and Ralphie (my cats), borrowed books of poetry and prayer, a text chat with a good friend, a song sent by a dear one, being able to share these thoughts with you, and so much more. 

For what are you grateful? 

I'd love to know.

As an act of gratitude, I want to make sure you know that through December 1, you can get 15% off my Cards for Remembering decks and my 1:1 services and gift certificates. It would be an honor to share my work with you and your loved ones in this holiday season. 

I also want to share that this Monday, December 2 via Zoom, I am offering my Creating Conversations that Connect workshop with an emphasis on conversations about ideological issues. If you struggle to respond to comments of a loved one or you want to open a conversation with someone about a topic that's important to you, please join me. If you can't join live, the workshop will be recorded and available for 2 weeks afterward. 

And with that… Happy Thanksgiving, friends. 

With deep gratitude, 
Cory

P.S. A couple of weeks ago I had the honor of delivering the keynote address at the Norton Faith and Health Ministries annual conference. My talk was entitled You Are Your Own Beloved. If you want inspiration and encouragement to care for yourself, check it out. 

Expanding Gratitude

Every Wednesday I spend about an hour on the phone with a friend, or what people in Nonviolent Communication cirlces would call an empathy buddy. Each week we take turns speaking what is moving through our mind, heart, body and reflecting back what we hear. It is a practice of deep witnessing. We've been sharing in this way now for 4 years, having started just after attending our first intensive training.

Most calls we focus on one person's sharing while the other reflects. This morning my friend was the primary sharer, noticing places of deep grief and deep joy in her life, ways she is supporting others and finding support for herself. She commented on the complexity of being human, of being in relationship with other humans, and the sense of aliveness possible when we are willing to be in it all. The conversation brought us both to a place of reverence, honoring what is.

Being grateful for what is.

Turning toward what is.

Allowing what is.

Finding the gift in what is.

I am currently reading Braiding Sweetgrass, written by Robin Wall Kimmerer, who repeatedly invites readers to imagine, step into, and honor our interconnection. Reading this book, I am aware that even as I say over and over again in my work "The primary goal is connection," there are many connections that still feel fragile, tentative, waiting to be made between me and myself, me and other people, me and Creation. I believe gratitude is a primary path to connection. Kimmerer also writes about gratitude as a foundational connecting practice. Even though I have written a gratitude list nearly every night for the last 5 years, still my practice can be shallow.

Because of both Kimmerer's writing and my friend's sharing this morning, I want to practice expanding my sense of gratitude, allowing it to saturate my being. I want to practice extending my gratitude to include what and who frustrate me (how is this moment or this person teaching me?), what I see as my own shortcomings (how can this lack of skillfulness or capacity bring me into relationship with someone who has greater skill or capacity? How can I practice self-acceptance?), and in places of grief (what love is my grief pointing me to? How can I open my heart and co-create greater love in and for this world?).

As I consider these questions, let me share a few recent gratitudes:

I am grateful for three days in the car with my parents. I recently drove them from Texas to Kentucky and though not all moments were easy, I am so grateful that I was able to help make their trip possible. I am grateful for the sharing that happened between us along the way.

I am grateful to have had a small bit of time with them in Texas, experiencing and hearing stories of a place that is dear to them.

I am grateful for a recent toe-dip into relationship. I spent a few weeks getting to know someone and though we then parted ways, the gift came in connecting me to old grief I didn't even know I was holding. As it surfaced, I allowed myself to feel and to release some of that old stuff.

I am grateful for a friend who has just started collaborating with me, helping me to shape my work. She most definitely has skills I do not have. She also has the gifts of vision, insight, deep care, and enthusiasm for the work I'm doing.

I am also so grateful for you. I am grateful that you have chosen to be connected with me in ways that are sometimes fleeting and sometimes profound and long. I am deeply appreciative for times you respond to my writing, for times I get to work with you, for times I get to play with you, for times I get to learn from and with you. If we haven't yet connected in a personal way, I hope that someday we will. It is thanks to you that I can do the work that I do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I could spend the day expanding the list. When I take the time, I notice that I have so much, so very, very much to be grateful for. I hope this is true for you, too.

Recognizing Abundance Even in Challenging Times

I think it's fair to say 2020 has been a rough one for most everyone. We've experienced upheaval in so many ways. COVID has brought many changes to our lives from changed routines to loss or diminishment of income to loss of loved ones. The deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and others have awakened many people, especially white people, to just how far we are from the highest aspirations of the United States' ideals. This week Louisville lost another bright light when 21-year-old Travis Nagdy, who grew into leadership through 6 months of continuous protests for racial justice, was shot and killed. The elections and its aftermath have exacerbated divisions that were already deep. Many of us are celebrating Thanksgiving (whose history brings its own complexities) in ways that break tradition. 

We may be mourning or angry or tired or so many other things and I wonder if, even as we experience all of those difficult emotions, we can find the places where we can exhale in relief, in gratitude, in satisfaction. I wonder if we can simultaneously notice points of gratitude that open us up in the midst of the complex emotions that can close us off, or at least allow these opening and closing emotions to ebb and flow within us.

Practicing gratitude (and it most certainly is a practice) is something I began just before the 2016 election. Every night for over 4 years now, I've posted on Facebook 5 things for which I'm thankful for, from the mundane to the extraordinary. This practice has helped me to stay grounded in a greater sense of wholeness- of all that is- especially during difficult times. In honor of the practice and this day, I'm sharing two videos that remind me of the expansive was we can notice abundance around us-

• beautiful imagery and Brother David Steindl-Rast’s reflection in A Good Day

• Carrie Newcomer's song Holy As the Day is Spent, a song I get to sing every year at my church's Thanksgiving service

I also want to share just a few of the things I'm particularly grateful for in 2020: 

• Frida- my 20-year-old cat: I have lived with no other being as long as I've lived with Frida. As all of us have spent more time at home and less time in the physical presence of other people outside of our household (I live alone, so...), her physical presence has been of great comfort. If you've been in my house or on a Zoom call with me, chances are, you've met Frida, or at least heard her. She's usually on my lap- as often as I'll let her be!

• My church community: Even though we haven't met in person since March, we have me weekly via Zoom and our community has even grown as we've welcomed friends and family who live outside of Louisville- in other cities, states, and countries. I appreciate the comfort of ritual, the intentional inclusion of different community members’ voices each week, and the many ways we've cultivated community and support for and with each other.

• Park walks with friends: As we navigate safe ways to be together, I have loved every walk I've taken with friends. These walks help me move my body, fill my spirit, and ground me in connections with Nature and people.

• People who brought me meals or small gifts, sent text messages or notes, graced me with their company when I was struggling. There have been a few times this year when I've had a hard time taking care of myself. During those times friends, family members, acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers stepped in and gave me the care I was struggling to give myself.

• Getting to know my neighbors: Every night at 7:00pm, my neighbors and I come out on our porches and bang drums, ring bells, play tambourines, and otherwise make noise. Sometimes my 10-year-old neighbor rides his skateboard down the street in costume in the midst of the joyful noise. Most Saturday nights we've also gathered (at a distance) around a fire pit in the middle of the street. We've had two outdoor karaoke nights, a pumpkin-carving night, a cookout, among other things. Even when we're back to whatever the new normal becomes, I suspect these ties will remain strong.

• Healthcare workers and public health officials: I don't even know where to start. What a mix of the challenges they've faced, whether direct care of COVID patients, protecting themselves from COVID, dealing with supply shortages, changing protocols as the information about COVID evolves, interacting with people who are difficult for any number of reasons, overworking. And they still keep showing up.

• Teachers, parents, students, anyone involved in education: The creativity and flexibility that this year is demanding is A LOT (true in this scenario and most every other). Families and schools have had to make tough choices, wondering if they're the right ones and if they'll have to pivot again as circumstances change.

• New or renewed dedication to racial justice coming alive in many people: both observing and being a part of the racial justice work going on right now is exciting. Seeing young people come forward to lead is exciting. Seeing people of all ages willing to risk safety, whether physical or emotional, so that our society is more equitable is exciting. Seeing structures of support form is exciting- therapists groups dedicated to protesters, lawyer groups ready to support people who got arrested in protests, volunteers who provide food, rides, sanctuary spaces, child care, education, training. Just wow.

The truth is that this is only the start to my list. It could easily have 100 points, but I'll leave the rest for another day... or for your imagination.  

For what are you grateful? 

How has 2020 brought blessings to your life?