You Don't Have to Set Yourself on Fire

These thoughts aren't polished, but they are sincere... from Love’s refining fire in my last post to this…

A few years ago I received the mug in the attached picture. It was before I had deeply engaged with Compassionate Communication, before I had even heard of The Artist's Way, before I had an awareness of how committed I was to serving the needs of others to the detriment of meeting my own. Somehow over many years, I had given up my sense of play. I wasn't listening to music very much. I had internalized that because there was suffering in the world, enjoying life...ever... was ignoring the suffering in the world and, therefore, not acceptable. My life appeared big in many ways because I was doing human rights work in Palestine for weeks to months each year and I was doing good work otherwise, but I wasn't very happy. I rarely allowed myself to be happy because in my mind it would be a betrayal to people who were carrying most of the weight of systemic oppressions. My willful commitment misery was going to save the world. 

Fast forward to now.  I am still aware that there is suffering in the world. I am also aware that if I want to maintain a long-term commitment to alleviating suffering and working toward collective liberation, I must, must, must tend to my own needs for play, expression, relaxation, community, and more. My own liberation... I now know that tending to my needs will, in fact, give me the energy I need to address the suffering in the world that I find so deeply troubling. Tending to my needs with others doing the same is an act of co-creation, even if only for a few hours, of the kind of world we want to live in- one built on foundations of mutual care, joy, acceptance, play, safety, and more.

I am learning also that I am allowed to meet my own needs, even if doing so may not meet someone else's needs.

I am not required to set myself on fire to keep others warm.

This feels huge. I am allowed to say no. I am allowed to honor my own clearly stated boundaries. I am allowed to interrupt dynamics that are pulling more from me than they are giving. Doing these things allows me to give more joyful and energized yeses to work that calls me and that serves the well-being of the world. Sometimes my work feels small, sometimes it feels large. Either way, I am learning to trust that both the effects of the work and a more balanced approach to it ripple out. 

At the moment I'm about halfway through The Artist's Way with 3 groups, halfway through leading a Compassionate Communication class, and I'm taking a class for women entrepreneurs. These things both energize and tire me, but it's the good kind of tired. To fill myself up, I've been taking a drawing class- play! Learning! I am also taking a drumming class- more play! Expression! CommUnity!

My life is full with these and a few smaller things, and it is also more balanced than it was when I received the mug. I can thank both my study and practice of Compassionate Communication and my several times through The Artist's Way for this move toward balance and boundaries. This is a work in progress. I am a work in progress.

I am grateful that the only fire I experience regularly now comes from burning candles and using sage or palo santo for cleansing and ritual (which also bring more balance to my life).

I sincerely hope that you are literally and figuratively fire-free, that you have balance and boundaries that nourish you in whatever ways you most need. This Valentine's week, I hope that you find warmth not from self-sacrifice that burns you up, but from giving profound love and care to yourself and those who are dear to you and from receiving and accepting the love that is offered you.